Jokes!

Hahahahaha! I found these on the internet!
Enjoy!


An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with 19 Dollars. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and but was handed only 18 Dollars.
He asked the teller why he got less money than he got last week. The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, but just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans too!"


Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big, bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you knock it off, I'm trying to shit!"


Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
“Wow…that looks deep.”
“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.
“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.“
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey…over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it’s GOTTA make some noise.”
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it’s legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen…
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. “Hey… you two guys seen my goat out here?” “You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”
“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”


At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?"
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"Man, that's scary. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."
"I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"


There was one time two friends sitting next to a tree eating their lunch until one friend asks the other, "Hey you see that donkey far away.." and the other friend replies... "yeah I see it." "I bet you 100 bucks, I can make that donkey laugh.. the other friend replies.. "go ahead I bet that money you cant do that". So the friend goes where the donkey was eating his food, approaches to him and lift the donkey's ear and whispers in it.. and the donkey started laughing.. so the other friend loses his money.. in the next 5 min the friend asks the other friend again.. "I bet you 100 bucks more I make the donkey cry".. so he does and the other friend approaches to the donkey and lifts his ear and whispers in it again.. then donkey started to cry... he goes back and the other friend asks: "how did you do that"? his friend replies, easy! "the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his.. "and he laughed.. and the "second time I showed to him..."


A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

Hahahahah! This is so funny! Do read!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Yeah i was suppose to look for monologues online and then i was caught up with this.
Hahaha! I hope you guys enjoy this post!

9th of March 2010

I felt so stupid yesterday.
Damn it!

7th of March 2010

Gluttony is overtaking this kid.
Perhaps she should mind her own business or else she would make it worse.

2nd of March 2010

Sometimes lights like these could combine a thousand different rays of light
in order to make something beautiful.

Phobias

Hey peeps
In my post today, I have come up with yet another random post to share with you readers out there :P
Phobias ehhh, not something most of the people would think of.
Well here is one of the most common phobias in our time.



1. Arachnophobia: The Fear of Spiders.
I bet spider-man haters are mostly Arachnophobic!



2. Ophidiophobia: Fear of Snakes.
I guess Anaconda would be their worse nightmare.



3. Acrophobia: The fear of Heights.
This is probably the most common fear I ever heard in my life.
Poor those who can't enjoy awesome views in high places due to acrophobia.



4. Agoraphobia: The fear of situations in which escape is difficult.
This may include crowded areas, open spaces, or situations that are likely to trigger a panic attack.
Now this is kinda funny lol



5. Cynophobia: The Fear of Dogs.
Seriously, I have never met anyone who have this fear of dogs!
Hahahaha! Who knows, they might even freak out when they see such a cute puppy as the one on top!


6. Astraphobia: The fear of thunder and lightening.
My baby is a having this phobia. ):
But yeah, it can be a scary thing.



7. Trypanophobia: The Fear of Injections.
I guess we had these fear when we were much younger huh :P



8. Social Phobia: Fear of being around with people.
People who have this phobia are those who avoids events or any social gathering.
Usually, this phobia can be cured (:



9. Pteromerhanophobia: The Fear of Flying.
This is usually associated with Aerophobia which is the fear of flying in a plane.



10. Mysophobia: Fear of germs.
Watch Monk television series and you'll know how scary this phobia could be (:


Now here's one of a few WEIRDEST phobia of all time!

Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pediophobia- Fear of dolls
Rectophobia- Fear of rectum or rectal diseases.
Russophobia- Fear of Russians
Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.
Dendrophobia- Fear of trees.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia
Genuphobia- Fear of knees
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter. (HAHAHAHA)
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars
Hylophobia- Fear of forests.
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis
Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese. (wtf!)
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms
Linonophobia- Fear of string
Logophobia- Fear of words
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.
Melophobia- Fear of music
Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope


Ok i know i have been lazy on the last part but i hope you guys enjoy my latest post.
Alright then, signing off.
Bye!

1st of March 2010

Honey Bunch of Oats.
Something you would really look forward to every morning you wake up from your sleep.